Upselling Myself

I’ve been delinquent in my quest for a mattress for the Peanut’s crib.  We lucked out when a friend of S’s gave us a crib and mattress.  The crib is in the nursery (fancy name for his bedroom). The mattress we gave to S’s mom so she could use it in the crib she put in S’s room there.  We’d use a new mattress for the Peanut’s regular use.

Crib mattresses range from:

•  super inexpensive $60 things, 
• $150 Beautyrest pocket coil types (you know, incase someone throws a bowling ball on the bed while he’s sleeping)
• $170 – $300 ones that focus on the words “health” or “eco” or “nature”
• $400 ones that are “organic”.
• incredibly expensive ones that are made entirely of rubber cultivated by vegan gnomes in a hidden happy land. 

It’s confounding…

• Does organic really matter?  Considering the toxic load he’s exposed to any given day, does a little bit more toxic material make any difference?  Can’t we just let it off-gas for a couple of weeks and put on an organic buffer between him and the supposed SIDS inducing cancer-bed? 
• Firmness is key for SIDS, but what about comfort?  Which ones are firm but horrid (baby gets no sleep) vs firm but comfy (baby gets sleep = we get sleep)?
• Waterproof makes sense to me, although some people advocate the wool or cotton wrapped ones without any plastic, nylon or vinyl (because these are materials of the devil).  But wouldn’t you just end up buying a mattress pad with a waterproof backing made of… plastic, nylon or vinyl? Or of some cloth treated with something that will eventually wear off?
• Infant only or infant on one side and flip it to the other for toddler age?

S and I recently bought a new mattress for our own use – it was on sale (but there are always mattresses on sale somewhere, at least for adults).  It’s fabulous so far.  We’re loving it.  But it reeked of chemicals for at least a month after we got it.  Reeked!

Thoughts of the Peanut experiencing a similar month don’t sit well with me.  Maybe if I had bought a crib mattress months ago, any off-gassing would be done by now.  But I didn’t.  Plus, the more I think about indoor air quality and asthma, allergies etc. – maybe reducing VOCs and other toxins whenever it occurs to me is a good idea.  And even if you let it off-gas to the point where it doesn’t stink anymore, it still contains toxic chemicals mere millimeters away from a sleeping baby’s nose (you know, when they’re old enough to roll over on their own).

Now the question is, how much do you have to spend to get a mattress that doesn’t have harmful chemicals (or, at least, has much less harmful chemicals)?

The $170 mattresses (at Sears.  They’re much more expensive at baby stores) that use “natural” , “health”, or “eco” in their names seem to just be a slightly modified regular mattress with a removable cover made of organic material — with all the  “no PVC, pthalates, bisphenol A”  language pertaining to the cover only.  They have soy-based core and some have memory foam on the toddler side.  These are largely polyurethane (when I was reading about soy-based foam used in sofas, it turned out that less than half the foam ingredient was soy, with the rest being traditional polyurethane). And polyurethane, being highly flammable, requires lots of toxic flame retardants.

For $300 you get a fancier sounding version of the same thing. An innerspring mattress with “natural” soy-based foam, hypoallergenic latex (I thought latex was an allergen? I guess it’s hypoallergenic in that it doesn’t make a nice home for dustmites etc) and a bamboo cover treated with crypton green technology (yes, crypton green technology).

For either of these price points, the description of the mattress seems to be heavy on style and catch-phrases, low on substantive detail.  And I’m all about the substantive detail, baby.

And for $400 you get an innerspring mattress made with organic cotton, and covered with polyethylene (food grade plastic).  Yes – evil plastic, but non-toxic plastic.  And wrapping something in plastic takes care of the waterproof issue as well as the dust mite issue. Most reviews say it’s quite comfortable, and it gets a lot of reviews – which make me wonder if there’s a marketing machine behind it all.  But the website clarifies what it does contain, and what it does not contain, and describes the non-toxic flame retardant used. 

So, it looks like my choices are $170 for a slighlty less toxic mattress (or $300 for something similar with crypton green technology.  Ha – I just love saying “crypton green technology”.  I also like saying “retardant”), or $400 for something that might actually be the real deal and provide significantly less toxic crap (presuming that less toxic = good).

Hmmm maybe it’s going to be a $400 mattress for our boy.  For the 2 or so years he’ll sleep on it. 

As luck would have it, we still have some cash given to use as shower gifts (yay family and friends!)  that can be put to good use on the mattress.

Airmiles

I MUST remember to check airmiles.ca before I buy things online.  Purchases from Chapters.ca and Amazon.ca can earn airmiles, and so can purchases from Apple.  I just bought a little MacBook  — but I did it directly from Apple.  Turns out I could have earned 90 or so airmiles if I had only thought to access the Apple store from airmilesshops.ca. 

Rats.  

And here I am over 200 miles short of being able to pick up a KitchenAid Stand Mixer 90th anniversary edition in Candy Apple Red .  Ah well, it would just take up valuable counter space anyway.

Birth Registration

We registered the Peanut’s birth online.  Isn’t technology great? ServiceOntario’s site required that both parents be at the computer so they could both check off the appropriate boxes attesting to the veracity of the information entered on the form. And because I’m a little rule-follower, I kept reading to S what I was entering as well as all the legal boilerplate.  Lucky for me she found this all to be cute, not annoying.

Much earlier, when we had been negotiating with a known donor, we decided that our child would have my last name.  S and the donor would have biology on their side, but I’d have the name.  Let ‘em figure out who the “real” mother is now!!  But once we moved to an anonymous (ID release) donor, it didn’t seem as important to me to have the same last name as our child any more. 

So here I was registering his birth and I asked “are you sure about the last name?”  The urgency I felt to carve out a niche for myself feels pretty non-existant right one.  One reason could be that I’m the “Other Parent” on the birth registration form (with S’s permission, of course). Another could be that I no longer feel the threat of people considering a known donor to be the other parent.  Another could be that no one has challenged my parenthood yet.  The midwives have been great, our families and friends and colleagues are great.  Even the OBGYN seemed to assume I’d be cutting the cord at the birth (which I did– and, for the record, I cried).

But yes, S was sure that our baby should have my last name.  And now he does.  I’m a father in every sense except for the gender bit. 

S’s mom put a birth announcement in her local paper.  And there it was – his first name and my last name (and his super cute picture).  It looked so strange for some reason – my last name instead of his (as though he would arrive as part of a kit including a name). I suppose one reason for the strangeness was because it looked so short – I was used to telling people the full name including the middle. But seeing the last name, and thinking about the importance we put on that name reminded me of when I got a divorce and my ex-husband demanded I stop using his last name. This was fine with me, since I was ambivalent about having assumed it in the first place.  But the fact that he was demanding it was weird. “I want my name back”, like it was chattel or had value.  At that time I thought to myself  “do I go back to my own last name — which is simply a name belonging to yet another man — or do I come up with one of my own?  Or just go by Lynn X”. What does it mean to carry a man’s name your whole life?  When do you become your own person?  When does a woman stop being chattel?  In the end, I chose to continue to use the name I was given at birth.  Because it was my name, after all.  I lay claim to all of it. And also because, let’s face it,  I had begun to really overanalyse the whole thing.

So now the Peanut has been given his name.  And at first it looked to me like his first name was his but the last name was mine.  But instead of starting that whole overanalysing thing, I will view the names as all being his.  He can lay claim to all of it.

H1N1 Vaccine

There’s a lot of panic related to this vaccine.  It’d kind of strange, really.  It seemed initially that there wasn’t much interest in the vaccine.  But then a couple of young people died.  Young white people.  And suddenly it seemed that everyone wanted that vaccine — at least for their kids.  There were huge line-ups at the clinics when they opened for priority/higher risk population.  Oddly, they only opened 2 clinics for the first week. I heard of people waiting in line with their children for hours, only to be turned away when the clinic closed.  Swell.

It wasn’t an issue for us, initially.  Neither of us were on the priority list.  The list included children 6 months or over (those under 6 months couldn’t get the vaccine), pregnant women and women breastfeeding infants under 6 weeks, people with chronic illnesses… It made us wonder where we fit in.  The Peanut was too young to get the vaccine, but not too young to get the flu.  If S and I couldn’t get vaccinated, then we could catch the flu and give it to him.   It seemed odd that there wasn’t anything we could do for him.

My boss had to pick her daughter up from school on Friday because she had a sudden fever.  It was then that I realized how easy it would be for me to catch the flu and bring it home.  If her daughter had the flu, I couldn’t be sure that my boss hadn’t also exposed me to the virus.  Hypochondria set in – I had a headache…was I getting the flu?  I had body aches… was I getting the flu?  I was getting hot on the walk home… was I getting the flu?  Or was it just because I didn’t have a second coffee in the afternoon, I had moved our summer tires/rims out of the trunk of the car the night before, and I’m often hot on the walk home.

Turns out her daughter is ok, but it was certainly food for though. Toward the end of last week, they added another category to the priority list: people caring for or living with children under 6 months.

Between being on the priority list, and the whole boss’s daughter thing, I decided to get the shot.  Our family doctor is located in a clinic that was providing the vaccine to its registered clients. So S and I got our shots on Monday.  Overall, not so bad.  My arm hurts a bit – the injection area is inflamed.  Red with swelling.  Now, we just have to see if Li’l Sis will get her vaccination.  Or if we’ll have to come up with a plan for what to do if she gets sick.

Welcome to the pandemic.

Update: It’s Thursday and it’s still red and swollen near the injection site.  But it’s not as painful or itchy now as it was Tuesday.  Tuesday was quite uncomfortable.  But I’ve heard some people have suffered flu-like symptoms and body aches/joint pain as well.  So my reaction hasn’t been so bad.

Shocking reminder

It’s stories like this that remind me that we can’t take it for granted that our rights will be recognized elsewhere, not even in the US.

Recently, S and I were talking with her cousin about travel.  We mentioned that we’d have to take extra precautions (e.g. me adopting my own son, us bringing powers of attorney etc) and simply avoid certain destinations.  It was even suggested that we go with Olivia or R Family, where there would be no concern about being lesbians.

But this story shows that even those precautions aren’t enough.  And I’m not talking about a holiday in the middle east.  This family was taking a cruise that was departing from Miami (a R Family cruise, in fact).  When one of the women collapsed and was rushed to hospital, her partner was told that they were in an anti-gay city and State.  Although she had a Power of Attorney and Living Will faxed to the hospital so that she could make decisions about health care as well as be by her partner’s side, she and their children had to wait in the waiting room, without any information, while the woman died alone.

At every turn, the hospital seemed bent on thwarting access, and refused to even provide a copy of the death certificate to the surviving partner.

The courts dismissed the ensuing lawsuit.

Needless to say, I won’t be travelling to Florida any time soon.  How many US states are out-of-bounds to same-sex families on vacation?  Is there a list? Perhaps it’s safest to assume that all US states are on that list. 

If  a similar thing would ever happen to me (I can hear a Jewish friend making spitting sounds as I write this) I hope I remember to say I’m S’s sister. 

You might consider doing one or more of the following:

Donate to the family.

Donate to the Lambda legal fund, which filed the lawsuit.

And in Canada, donate to Egale.

Optionally, if you find you can’t avoid Miami, just head on down to the Jackson Memorial Hospital and consider urinating upon it.  Interestingly, Jackson Memorial Hospital is considered by US News to be one of the best hospitals in the US.    Super.

What’s in a Name?

Ok – Junior, our little Peanut,  is 3 weeks old now.  And we’re just officially announcing his name.

When he was first born, we had a name picked out. S used the name fairly regularly in the first days, but I found myself not using it at all.  It felt strange to use it.  Suddenly I understood why some cultures hold off officially naming their child for 8 days. I asked S about it and she was feeling similarly.  Every time she started to say his name, she wanted to say Dillon instead.  Hmmm Dillon – he kind of looked like a Dillon.  Maybe I could get over my earlier feelings about the name (Dylan being so 90210 and popular in the 1990’s made it seem overused and past its best-before date).  I also thought he might look like an Emmett.  So we tried these names out at home over the next few days, and told our family and friends that his name was still being sorted.  Over the following weeks, we also looked at Brodie, Lachlan, Jasper/Jesper…  yes, all a bit odd perhaps.  But whatever.

Also, when we took him out to breastfeeding clinics, the first time the nurses read his name they mispronounced it.  They made it sound like we named him as an homage to the Ku Klux Klan. That added fuel to our “maybe this isn’t his name after all” feelings.

So, we’ve been using these different names with him. Late last week, S had a day of calling him by the name we originally gave him.  The next day she switched to calling him Dillon again (we had already dropped Emmett by then).  And this time it was clear to me that Dillon wasn’t his name.  His name was the one we originally gave him.  Full circle. S agreed.

Overall, we think the problem was a) we had become accustomed to calling him Junior, since before he was even conceived, and it was hard to make the switch and b) the name doesn’t quite capture how super cute he is. 

With mild chagrin, we will be sending out an email to friends and family announcing his name – again.

Black’s is not photography, apparently

I needed to print off some photos of my son so I could show them to my mother when I visit tomorrow.  I’ve missed a few visits, either in anticipation of delivery or because the baby had arrived.  So now will be the first time I’ve visted in quite a while.  I planned on bringing photos of her grandson, since S isn’t ready to be on the road for that long and therefore I can’t actually bring the baby to her yet (hopefully next week).

Black’s offers what seems like a relatively simple and straightforward service.  You upload photos, say how many you want printed and whether you want them matte or glossy… then pick them up an hour later at the store of your choice.  Sweet.  So at 3:11 I completed my order and was shown a splashy page giving me my order number and indicating that my prints would be ready in about 1 hour (weirdly, it didn’t quote a particular time).  I could print that screen, but chose to just write down the order number to avoid the hassle of hooking the laptop to a printed for that.

A couple of hours later, I arrive at the Yonge & Dundas Black’s where I provide my order number, my phone number and my name.  They have no record of my order.  Their lab closed early because of technical issues.  Did I receive BOTH confirmation emails?

Confirmation emails?  There was nothing about any confirmation emails.  The screen seemed very clear that my order was submitted and I could pick the prints up in about an hour.  They called it their “express” service.

Apparently, in this case, “express” means “when we get around to it — you know, in a day or two”.  And in this case, it also means no pictures for my mother.  I’m sure she doesn’t really care.  But I care.  I want my mother to have pictures of her grandson, and not have to wait for-fucking-ever to get them.

I’d show them to her on the laptop, but considering she tried to destroy my sister’s computer, and settled for simply burning the packaging – thereby getting both of them evicted all those years ago… I’m loathe to have his face shown to her for the first time on a computer.  I’m not sure how she feels about computers today – but it didn’t seem so good a few years ago.  I don’t want the negative association to extend to the Peanut.

Anyway – bottom line is Blacks has severly disappointed me.

Junior has arrived

10 days late, after 41 hours of labour, our son arrived — and he’s extra cute.  Sure, all parents think their baby is cute, but in our case it’s actually true.  Here’s proof:

Jaded

Apparently Dr. Belej-Rak is moving her practice from Lifequest (the fertility clinic that we stopped using in November) to Markham (where I think she worked part-weeks anyways).

We received a letter from her yesterday advising that if we found Markham to be too far away, she would happily make a copy of our file that we could take with us to another doctor.  Fee: $50. 

I just found it hilarious that the approach is “I’m moving to Markham and I’m happy to continue to provide health care services to you there.  If that doesn’t work for you for some reason – like it being an hour away if you have a car to get there - I can refer you to another doctor.  But even though I chose to move my practice away from you, and not the other way around,  you’ll have to pay $50 to get a copy of your file “.

Nest-o-rama

Wow – it’s been busy the last month or so. 

1)We finally finished putting up the Ikea shelving in the basement! 

It’s the Broder system and if anyone asks, I’d suggest not choosing this shelving system.  It was horrible to put together.  Because the shelves are metal, you’d figure that this would imply “sturdy” – but the teeth that join the shelf brackets and the main beam are soft, pliable, and tear off.  Luckily, we accidentally bought way too many of these brackets so we could just toss the ones we wrecked and select another one. 

We brought back the extra bits after the 45 day return period had expired, but they gave us a cash credit for the amount, which was excellent.  The clerk congratulated us on getting our shelving up.  He bought some and had to give up and switch to the Ivar (or whatever the wooden ones are called).

2) Installation of window coverings.

We bought a black-out rollerblind for the nursery, wide slat horizontal blinds for the study, and shutters for the front window.  The shutters haven’t come in yet, but the others were installed and look great.  Expensive, but we’ve been without window coverings for a looong time now. 

3) Bought a car!

We now own a lesbian icon – a Subaru Outback.  The 2010 has been redesigned, and it’s massive.  We’re ready for anything.  We could probably live in it if we had to.

Do we put a rainbow sticker on it, or is that redundant?

4) Sold a car!

I sold my little VW Golf TDI.  I’ll miss it.  It was a good reliable car, fun to drive, and could go forever on a tank of fuel.   S sent out an email to everyone she knew letting them know I was offering it at a low price and giving full disclosure of anything and everything we could think was wrong with the car.  The plan was to use a low price for a quick sale, and that’s what happened.

The low price saved me from having to list it in Autotrader or Craigslist – I didn’t want to have to deal with complete strangers taking it for a test drive, calling at all hours. 

5) Moved the furniture out of the guest bedroom

Our friends S&L lent us their extra queen sized bed, dresser and night table to furnish our guest bedroom.  Because it’s no longer the guest bedroom, it was time for it all to go back.  We tried to rent a cargo van for the final weekend of our week off in July – but we failed to plan for it being the last weekend in July — and all the cargo vans were booked.

As it turned out, S&L would be renting a cargo van for another purpose midweek, so they drove only 1.5 hours out of their way (3 in total, I guess) to pick the furniture up.  Wow – that was excellent.  Thanks S&L!!

6) Got a murphy bed for guests and a new bed for us!

Now that the guest bedroom is the nursery, we needed a place for guests to sleep.  We ended up choosing a wall bed for the study, instead of a sofa-bed, because it could take a standard mattress.  Presumably, this would equate greater comfort than a sofa-bed. 

We measured our mattress, and it was 9 inches – which was the maximum size for the wallbed.  So we decided to buy ourselves a new mattress and use our old mattress for the murphy bed.  Ya – I know – it doesn’t seem to make sense that we’d get rid of a bed then buy a new one. 

We got the new bed in before the murphy bed arrived, so we just put the old bed in the nursery until the murphy bed was installed.  The nursery isn’t so much a nursery right now as it is a landing pad for stuff while we move things around.

 The new bed is pretty comfortable, and we have 60 days to make sure (Sleep Country Canada).  But much to my disappointment, the old 9″ mattress is just a smidge too big for the murphy bed – it doesn’t close all the way.  I hate it when a plan doesn’t come together.

7) Sold my big Bombay Co desk!

Listed on Kijiji and on Craigslist on Friday – although the Kijiji one gets delayed for 24 hours or so.   Got two replies from Craigslist and a bunch from Kijiji.  Sold the desk on Sunday via Kijiji. 

Speedy (well, the low, low price helped speed things up.  Cost me over $900, similar desk currently lists for $1299.  I sold it for my asking price of $350).

Maybe I’ll sell my Harvest House mission bedframe next.

8)Had another shower!

Baby shower, that is.  The Toronto shower was thrown by Li’l Sis, with snacks provided by M.  It was much like a kitchen party, which was excellent.  The only game was “pin the diaper on the baby” – Li’l sis opted not to go ahead with the planned “Pregnancy Twister” or “bobbing for babies”.  She did serve Babies in the Oven, though – peanut butter cookies made into baby faces with Smarties for eyes.

And Junior raked in more swag.

9) Installed the “bucket” car seat!

Of course I did it on the hottest day of the summer.  It’s in and level but is not completely immoveable (hardly moves side to side, but I can lift the free end up and down).  Although I can’t imagine it ever being totally imoveable because the base is secured at one side only (where it latches into the hooks built into the seat of the car itself).  There’s nothing that secures the other end of the base to anything.

I’m sure S will want to take it to a professional to get redone.  That’s fine by me, but she can make the appointment and pay the $40 to get it done.

10) Bought the stroller/bassinet

When asked if a bassinet was a safe place to let a baby sleep, the midwife said “you will sleep with the baby in your bed”.  It was kind of a surprise to get that pronouncement, especially so late in the game – what if we had already purchased one of those lovely but stupidly expensive bassinet thingies??!. 

She also told S that she had to leave work earlier than she planned to (she plans to end work 1 week before her due date).  Alas, this information needed to be supplied much earlier if the midwife expected any take-up.  S has to give people notice, stop seeing clients well before hand to give her time to finish notes and tidy everything up. 

I’m thoroughly confused about appropriate ways for baby to sleep.  “They” say No Crib Bumpers – They’ll Suffocate Your Baby.  They’ll just crawl right over to the baby and suck the life right out of it (wait – no – that’s what cats do).  But a bassinet is a typical way to have a newborn sleep – especially in the same room as the parents – and a bassinet is, effectively, a small small crib with a big big bumper.  Shouldn’t they be outlawed?  And you’re not supposed to put a blanket or toy or anything at all in a crib with a baby – but you can have them sleep in bed with you – surrounded by adult sized pillows, sheets, blankets and two big sleeping adults.   Very conflicting information.

11) Went on the tour of the delivery ward of the hospital.

We had a tour months ago as part of the Dykes Planning Tykes class, and we’re glad we did because it was a better tour. 

12) Bought newborn disposable diapers, wipes and cream.

The hospital provides 1 diaper and recommends you bring more yourself.  So we want to make sure we have extras on hand to bring to hospital. We plan to use cloth diapers at home, and washcloths instead of baby wipes.  But it’s good to have disposables for when we’re not at home.

Next steps:

>Thank you cards to be sent out for the Toronto gifts.

>Pick up the crib from S’s friend at work.

>Buy a dresser for the nursery and get the room ready for baby

>Have the baby.