What’s in a Name

With some frequency, I get asked what I’ll be called or what I want to be called as a parent.  The understanding is that S will get Mom or Mommy by default, and I’ll have to make something else up. 

Initially, I looked up what other lesbian co-parents prefer to be called, getting inspiration from the miracle that is the internet.  Sometimes it’s mamma followed by a fist name.  So – mamma lynn.  I’m not a big fan, though. Often it’s parent word in another language, like  ama or baba.  Which would work for me if I come from a people who speak  something other than English.  If the word had actual meaning to me.   My grandfather was Danish, but he never spoke anything but english to me.  I had to rent Babette’s Feast long after he died to hear Danish spoken.  Apparently, mother is “Mor” in Danish and father is “For”, but neither holds any more resonance than the danish word for potato would (mmmm potatoes). 

A friend suggests Mumsy. Yes, my mother was english.  In fact, she called her grandmother Mumsy. But it just reeks of a plump and matronly.  It’s not at all how I envision myself .  

One of our DPT group greeted me with “poppa”.  And I like “poppa”.  It’s what I spontaneously referred to myself as when I  called a friend to say S was pregnant.  I like that it represents the non-gestational parent.  But because it’s used exclusively for male parents,  I don’t want to suggest to people that I identify as transgendered.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my identity.  Somewhat masculine, sure.  Male, no.  

S is more than willing to share Mom or Mommy, and let junior decide what we’ll be called in his own time.  This is likely what will happen unless I decide to: a) go with the artifice* of using a parent word  in bulgarian or turkish or whatever or b) use poppa. 

 But do I really want junior to decide what I’ll be called?  What if he decides to call me “mumsy”?

 

*it would be artifice for me. Other people may find it fits them perfectly.  And it’s all about what fits.