Shocking reminder

It’s stories like this that remind me that we can’t take it for granted that our rights will be recognized elsewhere, not even in the US.

Recently, S and I were talking with her cousin about travel.  We mentioned that we’d have to take extra precautions (e.g. me adopting my own son, us bringing powers of attorney etc) and simply avoid certain destinations.  It was even suggested that we go with Olivia or R Family, where there would be no concern about being lesbians.

But this story shows that even those precautions aren’t enough.  And I’m not talking about a holiday in the middle east.  This family was taking a cruise that was departing from Miami (a R Family cruise, in fact).  When one of the women collapsed and was rushed to hospital, her partner was told that they were in an anti-gay city and State.  Although she had a Power of Attorney and Living Will faxed to the hospital so that she could make decisions about health care as well as be by her partner’s side, she and their children had to wait in the waiting room, without any information, while the woman died alone.

At every turn, the hospital seemed bent on thwarting access, and refused to even provide a copy of the death certificate to the surviving partner.

The courts dismissed the ensuing lawsuit.

Needless to say, I won’t be travelling to Florida any time soon.  How many US states are out-of-bounds to same-sex families on vacation?  Is there a list? Perhaps it’s safest to assume that all US states are on that list. 

If  a similar thing would ever happen to me (I can hear a Jewish friend making spitting sounds as I write this) I hope I remember to say I’m S’s sister. 

You might consider doing one or more of the following:

Donate to the family.

Donate to the Lambda legal fund, which filed the lawsuit.

And in Canada, donate to Egale.

Optionally, if you find you can’t avoid Miami, just head on down to the Jackson Memorial Hospital and consider urinating upon it.  Interestingly, Jackson Memorial Hospital is considered by US News to be one of the best hospitals in the US.    Super.

What’s in a Name?

Ok – Junior, our little Peanut,  is 3 weeks old now.  And we’re just officially announcing his name.

When he was first born, we had a name picked out. S used the name fairly regularly in the first days, but I found myself not using it at all.  It felt strange to use it.  Suddenly I understood why some cultures hold off officially naming their child for 8 days. I asked S about it and she was feeling similarly.  Every time she started to say his name, she wanted to say Dillon instead.  Hmmm Dillon – he kind of looked like a Dillon.  Maybe I could get over my earlier feelings about the name (Dylan being so 90210 and popular in the 1990’s made it seem overused and past its best-before date).  I also thought he might look like an Emmett.  So we tried these names out at home over the next few days, and told our family and friends that his name was still being sorted.  Over the following weeks, we also looked at Brodie, Lachlan, Jasper/Jesper…  yes, all a bit odd perhaps.  But whatever.

Also, when we took him out to breastfeeding clinics, the first time the nurses read his name they mispronounced it.  They made it sound like we named him as an homage to the Ku Klux Klan. That added fuel to our “maybe this isn’t his name after all” feelings.

So, we’ve been using these different names with him. Late last week, S had a day of calling him by the name we originally gave him.  The next day she switched to calling him Dillon again (we had already dropped Emmett by then).  And this time it was clear to me that Dillon wasn’t his name.  His name was the one we originally gave him.  Full circle. S agreed.

Overall, we think the problem was a) we had become accustomed to calling him Junior, since before he was even conceived, and it was hard to make the switch and b) the name doesn’t quite capture how super cute he is. 

With mild chagrin, we will be sending out an email to friends and family announcing his name – again.

Black’s is not photography, apparently

I needed to print off some photos of my son so I could show them to my mother when I visit tomorrow.  I’ve missed a few visits, either in anticipation of delivery or because the baby had arrived.  So now will be the first time I’ve visted in quite a while.  I planned on bringing photos of her grandson, since S isn’t ready to be on the road for that long and therefore I can’t actually bring the baby to her yet (hopefully next week).

Black’s offers what seems like a relatively simple and straightforward service.  You upload photos, say how many you want printed and whether you want them matte or glossy… then pick them up an hour later at the store of your choice.  Sweet.  So at 3:11 I completed my order and was shown a splashy page giving me my order number and indicating that my prints would be ready in about 1 hour (weirdly, it didn’t quote a particular time).  I could print that screen, but chose to just write down the order number to avoid the hassle of hooking the laptop to a printed for that.

A couple of hours later, I arrive at the Yonge & Dundas Black’s where I provide my order number, my phone number and my name.  They have no record of my order.  Their lab closed early because of technical issues.  Did I receive BOTH confirmation emails?

Confirmation emails?  There was nothing about any confirmation emails.  The screen seemed very clear that my order was submitted and I could pick the prints up in about an hour.  They called it their “express” service.

Apparently, in this case, “express” means “when we get around to it — you know, in a day or two”.  And in this case, it also means no pictures for my mother.  I’m sure she doesn’t really care.  But I care.  I want my mother to have pictures of her grandson, and not have to wait for-fucking-ever to get them.

I’d show them to her on the laptop, but considering she tried to destroy my sister’s computer, and settled for simply burning the packaging – thereby getting both of them evicted all those years ago… I’m loathe to have his face shown to her for the first time on a computer.  I’m not sure how she feels about computers today – but it didn’t seem so good a few years ago.  I don’t want the negative association to extend to the Peanut.

Anyway – bottom line is Blacks has severly disappointed me.